Intro to Cognitive Restructuring
Hey everyone. I've struggled with social anxiety for most of my life, but over the past year, I've made life-changing improvements by administering cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to myself. I found the progress I made was honestly shocking.
I think a common feeling that people (including myself) have is, "I'm too much of a lost cause, so this won't work for me." Really, it's very simple to dismantle this thought – the fact is that the literature shows that CBT has worked well for many millions of people all over the world. Surely, some of them had social anxiety as bad as mine, no? Some probably had it worse.
Since reducing my social anxiety, I've become really passionate about it, and I'm starting a blog about it. For my first post, I wanted to run through a quick cognitive restructuring exercise. This is one component of CBT that helps you challenge the negative thoughts that stand in the way of progress.
Cognitive Restructuring
Cognitive restructuring is a protocol with a series of steps.
Think of a situation where you felt bad social anxiety and follow along. For my example, I'll talk about giving a presentation at a meeting at work since this is what I struggled with the most.
Step 1: Identify Your Negative Thoughts
Really try to think about a situation and why it gives you anxiety. It can be embarrassing to admit to yourself why something makes you anxious, but the harder it is to admit that you have a thought, the more beneficial it is to challenge that thought.
In considering why giving a meeting at work made me anxious, I had the following thoughts:
- If I don't do a great job on this presentation, my boss will consider letting me go.
- My work quality is low, and everyone will think I don't know what I'm talking about.
- When I'm presenting, I'm going to turn red, and my voice will shake. As a result, everyone will think I'm incompetent.
Step 2: Identify the Thinking Errors in Your Negative Thoughts
Psychologists have determined when people have negative thoughts, they tend to commit thinking errors that fall into one of eight categories:
| Category | Description |
|---|---|
| All-or-nothing thinking | Viewing a situation in only two categories instead of on a continuum. |
| Fortune telling | Predicting that something negative will happen in the future without evidence. |
| Disqualifying the Positive | Dismissing positive experiences or achievements, telling yourself they don't count. |
| Mind Reading | Assuming you know what others are thinking without evidence. |
| Mental Filter | Focusing on a single negative detail, ignoring the broader context. |
| Catastrophizing | Expecting the worst-case scenario without considering alternatives. |
| Labeling | Assigning a fixed, global label to yourself or others. |
| "Should" Statements | Rigid rules about how you or others should behave, often leading to guilt or frustration. |
Let's look at the thinking errors I was committing in my negative thoughts:
"If I don't do a great job on this presentation, my boss will consider letting me go."
- All-or-Nothing Thinking: I felt that my job performance was either "great" or "fired," ignoring the possibility of middle ground or "good enough".
- Catastrophizing: I jumped to the worst possible outcome (being let go) without considering other, less extreme possibilities.
- Fortune Telling: I assumed I'd perform poorly and predicted my boss's reaction without evidence.
- Disqualifying the Positive: Failing to consider my past successes and positive feedback I'd received.
"My work quality is low and everyone will think I don't know what I'm talking about."
- Disqualifying the Positive: People, including my boss, had told me that my work quality was high in the past.
- Fortune Telling/Mind reading: I assumed I knew what would happen (what people would think about me).
"When I'm presenting, I'm going to turn red and my voice will shake. As a result, everyone will think I'm incompetent."
- Fortune-telling/Disqualifying the positive: I was certain that I would turn red and that my voice would shake. In the past, I had given presentations without this happening.
Step 3: Challenging Your Negative Thoughts
This step involves going through your thoughts one by one, considering the thinking errors you identified in them, and asking a series of probing questions to determine how rational your thoughts are. Treat it like an experiment. Have an internal dialogue with yourself.
"If I don't do a great job, my boss will consider letting me go."
- What would it take for my boss to consider letting me go? What value do I bring to my boss, other than this single presentation?
- He's said I've done good work in the past, would it really make sense for him to fire me over a bad presentation?
- He'd have to go through the entire hiring process, training period and such, all because he let someone go who he said did a good job.
- What does it mean to do a great job on this presentation? If I don't do a great job, does that mean I've done a bad job? What would a good job look like?
- My boss has a lot on his plate right now. So does everyone else in the meeting. How much attention do I really think they're going to pay to my presentation?
- Is it possible they'll be thinking about other things during it? Do I think about other things while other people are presenting their work? Yes, all the time.
"My work quality is low and everyone will think I don't know what I'm talking about."
- What evidence do I have that my work quality is low? I feel like it's low, but nobody's ever actually told me that. In fact, some people have said my work quality is good, and I get good reviews.
- What evidence do I have that people won't know what I'm talking about? Actually, I do know what I'm talking about, so I don't know why they'd think I don't. And again, I'm not even sure they'll be listening to my presentation.
- Will this presentation really define what people think of me? They've known me for two years now, so they probably already have an opinion of me and it would be hard to change that with just one presentation, especially if they're not paying close attention to it.
"When I'm presenting, I'm going to turn red and my voice will shake. As a result, everyone will think I'm incompetent."
- What evidence do I have that I'll turn red and my voice will shake? Sure, that's happened before, but I've also given a presentation without that happening. So I don't really know for sure that it's going to happen.
- What evidence do I have that people will judge me as incompetent if I turn red and my voice shakes? As I said, that has happened before, and I've still gotten positive feedback on my work anyways, so I guess turning red and having a shaky voice hasn't made people think I'm incompetent in the past.
Step 4: Create a "Rational Response"
A rational response is a statement that summarizes the thought-challenging dialogue you had with yourself about a negative thought. You can repeat this rational response to yourself when you find yourself feeling anxious about a situation due to that negative thought.
A rational response is a statement that summarizes the thought-challenging dialogue you had with yourself about a negative thought. You can repeat this rational response to yourself when you find yourself feeling anxious about a situation due to that negative thought. Essentially, a rational response is a reminder for your brain to think rationally about the situation and can help to ease the anxiety symptoms you feel.
Here are the rational responses I came up with to deal with my negative thoughts:
Rational Responses:
- "If I don't do a great job, my boss will consider letting me go":
"One imperfect presentation won't overshadow the value I consistently bring to the team, especially when others are likely focused on their own priorities". - "My work quality is low and everyone will think I don't know what I'm talking about."
"People have given me positive feedback on my work, but even if I make a mistake, most people are focused on their own responsibilities and are unlikely to judge me as harshly as I fear." - "When I'm presenting, I'm going to turn red and my voice will shake. As a result, everyone will think I'm incompetent."
"It's common to feel nervous during a presentation, and my value as a professional isn't defined by whether I turn red or my voice shakes during a presentation; what matters is the content and effort I've put into my work."
Can you see how repeating these in my head immediately before (and to some extent during) my presentation would make the experience a lot less anxiety-inducing? Sure, I still felt some anxiety, but it was enough to get me through, and each time I gave a presentation with less anxiety, it became easier to do (this is also how exposure therapy works).
I hope you've found this exercise helpful. If you did, I'd encourage you to subscribe to the blog for more content like this. If you have any questions or want to discuss your own negative thoughts and how to challenge them, leave a comment below and I'd love to challenge them with you!
Until next time!